Do not interrupt me unless you’re on fire!

It was a toss up between a tiara or a BiG fLuFfY PiNk BOA…it was a tough decision…should I mess with my hair & possibly get it stuck in my thick Latin mane? Or should I wear that fabulous boa & have feathers fall out all day like I am a chicken?!? I went with the tiara, it’s just a natural fit according to my husband. Why would I be wearing a tiara in school you ask? Well, besides the fact that I feel like I was a princess in a former life, it’s for my interrupting chicken nuggets I have in my class. We started Dibels this year…oh yay! I can’t contain my excitement….GAG! Since I have very active chicken nuggets with MaJoR verbal overflow issues & a SeVeRe problem with interrupting me for no apparent reason I had to come up with a plan to get my progress monitoring done without interruption….HA! I was explaining my plan to my student teacher today & told her when you see me with this tiara on it means I am testing so I can’t be interrupted & we need to explain this to the 23 students that just interrupted us while we chatted for 30 seconds….I know you experience the SAME thing, am I right? I put the tiara on & proceeded to give this whole presentation of how I was going to be testing & you CANNOT come up to me unless…..you’re on fire! Did I just say that? We busted out laughing as you can imagine. I also thought of adding you CANNOT come up to me unless you are holding a body part….PUHLEAZE tell me you saw Kristin’s Halloween post…..I think I had a mini heart attack & popped a few blood vessels in my face from laughing so hard. Check it out here.

1. I have a major problem with buying things in 2’s. I have always known that I had an issue with this but never realized how bad it was until today. As I am typing, I’m obsessing about NOT buying 2 sets of each sticker set I found at Joann Fabrics….I am ready to get in my car & drive back. It about KILLED me to walk out of there without 2 Scotch laminate packs of 50. I even had a talk with the cashier about how they need to rethink their ordering process because EVERY time I come in here with coupons pouring out of my purse ready to buy TWO 50 packs, I walk out with ONE! Their killing me….. slowly! I was stalking  looking in other people’s carts looking for another one & would have easily talked them out of their purchase if I spotted one. Somehow I would have acted like a really needed all 100 sheets for tomorrow for my poor little nuggets students & made them feel sorry for me. I should have been an actress. I will be emailing Joann Fabrics corporate office about this. I am S.E.R.I.O.U.S. Thank you dad for this obsession I have with the number 2. My husband just hopes I don’t go out & get another husband…lol. 
2. I have never tried cottage cheese IN MY LIFE & never will. The texture & how it got that way makes my skin crawl. 
3. I am DEATHLY afraid of Chucky…yeah you know that evil creature that is a star in several movies. Seriously, I.HATE.HIM! He has brought me to tears before & I really don’t appreciate it. At ALL! Here is a story about my evil aunts. I was home for the weekend from Ball State and my oldest aunt, Auntie G, tells me she “bought” me something & its in the closet. A gift?!? I LOVE presents! So I flew to the closet like a bat out of hell & guess what I see? Not a present. I see Chucky hanging by a rope…A ROPE! I screamed so loud & started to cry & hyperventilate all at the same time. Do you think they felt bad? Yeah, for like 30 seconds. Now at every family reunion this little panic attack of mine gets brought up. Not funny at all! I also have an evil lifelong BFF that works at a dental office. One time I came in to get a tooth pulled & we got a little gossip session in before I go in the chair. I get to the chair & she puts the mask over my face, turned the nitrous on high, & tells me to close my eyes (why did I listen or fall for that) & about 3-5 minutes later they tell me to open my eyes & there staring at me is a FULL COLOR picture of that evil Chucky doll. Needless to say…I S.C.R.E.A.M.E.D extremely loud. Me not happy. Did I mention that she is an office manager  for the dental office? I will never know how she got me to fall for that…she is good. I will tell you another time about her payback.
4. This next part is not an invitation to send me pictures via email or anything but I am also afraid of Cabbage Patch dolls. Raise your hand if you were scared of these little devils? Seriously, they moved in my room at night. As I got older & more mature, the dolls moved to the hall closet. Why I didn’t throw them in the dumpster, I don’t know. My evil brother…let me give you a background of JUST how evil he is. He gave me Nair for shampoo before. Enough said. Anywho, when I was in high school & would “sneak” in the house after curfew he would put them in my bed…my unmade bed or on my fan blades. He knew I would not dare turn the light switch on out of fear of waking up the warden (our dad). I would do an army crawl across the floor, whip my pants off, & shimmie myself under the covers without making a sound. And then I realized I was not in bed alone, they were next to me. Paybacks are tough brother…I still owe you a few BTW. 
5. I didn’t know how to do my laundry until I was in my late 20’s. Dear Mom, my college roommate has a not so nice message for you. 
6. This is not going to be a surprise to you but I do not cook nor do I want to learn. This is kind of like my dad wanting to teach me how to mow the lawn when I was a teenager…really?!? Why would I want to learn how to mow a lawn?!? I’m a girl…DUH. My dear husband loves to cook & I just appreciate him so much for that! He knows I will whine like a diva if I don’t get to blog stalk all night. He really does enjoy cooking. He thinks he is ..you know one of those popular cooks…Paula Dean…that’s all I got. 
7. I do not read directions. I know that is one of my rules hanging on my ugly blue wall at school BUT I do not practice what I preach very well. I will give you a few examples of how I don’t read what I should. I have a friend from Carmel, IN. that discovered “Airborne” will cure a hangover. She was adamant about it & even gave me a weekend lifetime supply. Her verbal directions were to take the pill before you go out, consume many beverages & take another one when you get home. Genius. So I was getting ready in the hotel that I lived in…that is a whole other story…we had a house fire….anyway I was straightening my mop hair with those fumes coming off & everything thinking…man I look good & I popped the pill in my mouth. Umm…not. a .good. idea. I was foaming…FOAMING at the mouth…. like a dog….A DOG! She forgot to tell me to dilute it in a glass of water first! So I call & tell  her this humiliating story & she has the nerve to say she didn’t think she had to spell that out to me…huh! The next story unfortunately is from December of 2009. I would like to think this happened years ago, but no. I was with my Indi friends again & I stayed in Indi for a night before I went off to visit my parents in California. My BFF (the Chucky one) is blowing up my phone saying we had to leave in like 5 minutes & I am a walking zombie at this point..still half asleep and probably wouldn’t have passed a breathalyzer. Well, I ask my friend Rock if she has any toothpaste I can borrow & she says it’s in the guest bathroom in the drawer. Naturally, I go in the only drawer on top, the one where EVERYONE puts their toothpaste and put it on my toothbrush. Seconds later I am gagging & scraping whatever I put in my mouth off my tongue as quickly as possible. Guess what is was? D.I.A.P.E.R. C.R.E.A.M! And to top it off, they don’t EVEN HAVE A BABY! They laughed at me. They laughed for the 2 1/2 hour drive back to Chicago. Why Me?